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Five Things to Talk About with an Ex-spouse When You Have Kids

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Do you know that more than 45% of marriages end up in divorce? Sometimes, when you look at the statistics, they will make you think that getting married isn’t worth it. Don’t believe that. Even people who ended up divorcing will end up saying that they’ve matured a lot in those relationships and that they still wouldn’t trade those good years with their ex-partners. Well, that is, of course, unless they were verbally, physically, and emotionally abused. For the most part, those who learn to accept that relationships (and marriages) can end will tell you it’s a challenging but learning experience.

That doesn’t mean that divorce is inevitable. Marriage is hard work, but if you work hard enough for it, you’ll be surprised to find yourself still happily married at 70 years old. If you find yourself in the middle of a divorce, try to stop hating your ex-spouse and focus instead on discussing the most critical issues, especially if you share children.


How do you want to raise your children? Hopefully, you will decide on co-parenting so that your kids will still have a loving and healthy relationship with you. Co-parenting is about nurturing the relationship despite being separated. It means working your differences out for the sake of your kids. You cannot cut the communication lines because you need to share your experiences as parents. You need to help each other raise the kids, instill values in them, and guide them throughout their lives.

Many divorced parents have successfully raised their children. They grow up to be healthy individuals because the only difference between their families and the traditional families is that their parents don’t live together. This is the magic of co-parenting and why the effort it takes to get there is well worth it.

Child Custody and Support

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Before you talk about child custody and support, call a child support attorney to guide your decisions. This way, you know that what you are agreeing to is all legal under the state’s family laws. Custody is always a tricky subject so bring your kids in the discussion with you. This way, you’ll know that whatever you decide on is something that they want, too.

As for child support, the parent who earns more needs to shoulder more. You didn’t have an issue with paying your children’s tuition when you were married, so why is it going to be an issue now that you are divorcing? Your kids are still your kids. So, if you’re earning more than the other spouse, then shoulder the heavier burden of paying for your children’s expenses.

Dating Others

Are you allowed to date others? This is not something you need to settle legally, but dating might be an issue for the other spouse if your divorce isn’t final yet. Talk about seeing other people and if you can’t find a compromise, then do what you must—don’t date until the divorce is final. Also, ask your kids if they are okay with this. Communication is key to a healthy divorce. Your kids will play a huge role in your decisions during and after the divorce.

Assets and Liabilities

What about the money you have in the bank and the properties you both have in your names? There are three ways to settle this. First, transfer the properties to your kids’ names. Second, liquidate them and divide the sales between you. And third, compromise and divide the properties between you. The last one, of course, means you’re not always going to get the same value as the other party.


Do you plan on moving anytime soon? Is there a job offer somewhere else? If there is a possibility of moving, talk about this and how it will impact your ex-spouse’s relationship with the kids. While you should prioritize your happiness, too, that doesn’t mean you’ll walk over your ex-spouse’s feelings. If they and your kids are not okay with being away from each other, find a compromise wherein you’ll still get to do the job you love and maintain the relationships you both have with the kids.

Marriage and divorce take a lot of work, especially when there are kids involved. But if it already takes a lot of effort and sacrifices to make a marriage work, imagine how much harder divorce can be. Every relationship is different, but when there are kids, you should always prioritize their well-being because every decision you make will have an irreversible impact on their future decisions.


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